How I failed my driving test 10 times

The following is a coming of age story. It is about one man’s triumph against insurmountable odds. It is a tale of frustration, despair and, finally, victory. It is the story of how I go my driver’s licence.

Despite living in various Australian country towns all my life, I managed to reach my 17th birthday without ever having sat behind the wheel of a motorised vehicle. No driving around a relative’s farm. No tearing up the bush in a go-cart. I was never even the little car when we played Monopoly. Continue reading

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The Great Australian Rom-Com

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EUREKA. I’ve got it. I have the plot for next great Australian movie. It will be funnier than The Castle, sadder than Red Dog and more Aussie than Crocodile Dundee, Galipoli and a meat pie combined.

Anna (Jessica Marais) has had a crush on her colleague Steve (Daniel McPherson)  for three years but never had the courage to tell him. When Steve announces he will be leaving after their boss’ Australia Day barbecue, Anna realises it is now or never. Continue reading

10 new words that logically should exist

Tony Abbott travelling cognito.

The world  is increasingly complex and often defies description. Writers must find new ways to convey the effects of climate change, the horror of war in the Middle East or the perplexity of a movie based on a board game.

When it comes to making up new words, the environmentalist in me prefers to refashion old ones. One way is to remove a prefix or suffix. If inexorable means relentless or unyielding then exorable must mean the opposite. Turning a noun into a verb is also helpful in generating new words. Since runners run and dancers dance, then logically quokkas must quokk. Continue reading

Timeline of a media controversy

8am Monday: Public figure John Smith causes a furore following a breakfast radio interview/off-the-cuff tweet/chat with Mel and Kochie (delete whichever inappropriate) by accidentally giving his honest opinion on the issue of the day.

8.30am: The president of the Australian Federation of Vested Interests reels off a media release calling Smith’s comments extreme and demands either a public apology or more government subsidies for local manufacturers.

Read the rest of Timeline of a media controversy on the ABC’s The Drum.

Can you tell a real TV show from a fake one?

Below are summaries of five TV shows. One has already appeared on our screens, two have been purchased by Channel 7 to be possibly aired some time in the next 12 months and two have been made up by me. Can you pick which is which?

Good Christian Bitches: Amanda Vaughn is a recently widowed mother of two who, to get a fresh start, moves back to the affluent Dallas neighborhood where she grew up to find herself in the whirling midst of salacious gossip, Botox, and fraud. Starring Glee’s Kirtsen Chenoweth.

Is this a real TV show? Continue reading