Seven live versions of popular Australian TV shows

As television executives watch their audience and – more importantly – advertisers dwindle, they are increasingly looking for new revenue streams. A current winner is to stage live versions of popular television programs in the hope audiences will pay $99.95 plus booking and parking fees for something they could watch for free.

In the last 12 months alone Australia has hosted live versions of Grand Designs, Spicks and Specks  and QI, the later proving that even if you don’t own a TV, Stephen Fry is an inescapable presence.

I humbly present seven suggestions for live version of popular TV show to help station managers pay for their next liquid lunch.

Today Tonight: In the first act Channel 7’s fearless team of current affairs reporters will vilify  dole bludgers and illegal immigrants (who may or may not be terrorists) live on stage. After a brief intermission, obese children will road test the latest miracle diets.

Underbelly: This new production brings the Underbelly mystique to your home town. Adelaide audiences will wow at Underbelly: Snowtown, those in the west will be treated to Underbelly: Ben Cousins while Albury-Wodonga residents can see Underbelly: Missing Road Sign.

AFL Grand Final: Audience members will witness the novel sight of a football game with no ad breaks, no annoying commentary and no ex-footballers awkwardly cross-promoting The X-Factor. Enjoy this family friendly event bought to you by TAB and Carlton Draught.

 Game of Thrones: In July 2013, winter is coming to an arena near you. See all your favourite characters fight, scheme and unload vast amounts of exposition while naked.

Ketut and Rhonda: Witness first hand the chemistry and repressed passion of television’s greatest Will-They-or-Won’t-They couple since Joey and Chandler. Commemorative t-shirts and pirated DVDs will be on sale in the foyer.

 The Simpsons: TV’s most dysfunctional family finally makes it Down Under to present an entirely live, completely improvised episode based on audience suggestions. Final dates may be cancelled due to repetitive strain injuries to animators.

 Q&A: This show has been cancelled due to lack of demand after organisers realised the program’s main appeal was home viewers seeing their tweets on television. Replacing it is Germaine Greer’s one-woman show about Julia Gillard titled Fat-Bottomed Girl.

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