Australian TV in 2014: Get ready for the Joe Dolce Story

A new year in television brings with it plenty of questions for viewers and executives alike.

Who survived the Summer Bay bombing? Has Australia still got talent? Why on earth did Colin Friels agree to be in that Schapelle telemovie? Wonder no more dear reader. Thanks to a time machine discovered in the long-abandoned offices of Beyond 2000Daily Review is able to reveal the highs and lows of our small screens in 2014 …

January 14: Cricket commentator Ian Chappell gives Channel Nine an ultimatum. “If you want someone to call the game then pick me but if you want someone to cross promote your shows then get one of those fucking House Husbands.” Gyton Grantley makes his commentary box debut the following week.

February 17: A visiting HBO executive emails various Australian TV producers seeking to get in contact with the “hilarious political satirist” he saw on TV the night before. He is eventually informed that was a Sky News broadcast of parliamentary question time involving Clive Palmer.

March 13: Falling advertising revenues prompt a round of cost-cutting measures for Ten’s ailing breakfast program Wake Up. On the chopping block are EP Adam Boland’s fully automatic coffee machine, James Mathison’s dedicated eyelash stylist and the extra “r” in Natarsha Belling

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Predictions for the Australian federal election

August 9: Despite high media coverage of his plans to clone dinosaurs and rebuild the Titanic, Clive Palmer says he won’t be making anymore policy announcements until he pays his late fines at Civic Video.

blog-federalAugust 12: Broadcast of a Q&A election special is delayed when squeals from Malcolm Turnbull fangirls interfere with the microphones. The program eventually goes ahead but several young ladies have to be revived when Malcolm pops his collar.

August 15: Former Labor MP Craig Thomson hires an expensive QC to successfully defend charges he used a union credit card at a brothel. Thomson celebrates with Champagne, Destiny and Nikki. Continue reading

Seven live versions of popular Australian TV shows

As television executives watch their audience and – more importantly – advertisers dwindle, they are increasingly looking for new revenue streams. A current winner is to stage live versions of popular television programs in the hope audiences will pay $99.95 plus booking and parking fees for something they could watch for free.

In the last 12 months alone Australia has hosted live versions of Grand Designs, Spicks and Specks  and QI, the later proving that even if you don’t own a TV, Stephen Fry is an inescapable presence. Continue reading