Less than a year ago I wrote the ALP’s only chance of winning the election hinged on an Arthurian comeback by Kim Beazley.
Since then the situation has got much, much worse. It would take Curtin rising from the grave to run on a joint ticket with a mechanically augmented Whitlam to just maintain the seats the ALP currently hold.
To be fair, the government has been dealing with the grief of certain defeat tolerably well. Continue reading →
As someone who wrangles words for a living, I have fondness for puns. I always hope the English football team loses simply because I love the anguished wit of the Fleet Street headlines that inevitably follow.
These losses cause the tabloid press to dedicate its energy to writing pithy lines like Rout of Africa and Eins, zwei, drei your eyes rather than hacking in to Hugh Grant’s mobile phone. Surely everyone is a winner in this situation. Except the English football team.
February 7: Fly-in, fly-out candidate Brendon Grylls misses his campaign launch for the seat of Pilbara after accidentally boarding a flight to Bali. “The cabin was full of cashed-up bogans so I assumed we were flying to Port Hedland,” Grylls tells reporters.
February 12: When both the Greens and Labor refuse to preference Adele Carles in the seat of Fremantle, she announces her immediate withdrawal from the campaign in order to work on a debut album. 44 is a smash hit and Adele is chosen to sing the theme song in the latest instalment of the Alvin Purple franchise.
February 16: Bob Katter’s Australia Party’s first ever campaign event in WA is deemed a success once ballistics prove the bullet that grazed the candidate for the seat of Darling Range was the same one she fired into the air moments earlier. A similar rally organised by One Nation draws a disappointing crowd when it is inadvertently scheduled on the same night as Gardening Australia. Continue reading →