Australian TV in 2014: Get ready for the Joe Dolce Story

A new year in television brings with it plenty of questions for viewers and executives alike.

Who survived the Summer Bay bombing? Has Australia still got talent? Why on earth did Colin Friels agree to be in that Schapelle telemovie? Wonder no more dear reader. Thanks to a time machine discovered in the long-abandoned offices of Beyond 2000Daily Review is able to reveal the highs and lows of our small screens in 2014 …

January 14: Cricket commentator Ian Chappell gives Channel Nine an ultimatum. “If you want someone to call the game then pick me but if you want someone to cross promote your shows then get one of those fucking House Husbands.” Gyton Grantley makes his commentary box debut the following week.

February 17: A visiting HBO executive emails various Australian TV producers seeking to get in contact with the “hilarious political satirist” he saw on TV the night before. He is eventually informed that was a Sky News broadcast of parliamentary question time involving Clive Palmer.

March 13: Falling advertising revenues prompt a round of cost-cutting measures for Ten’s ailing breakfast program Wake Up. On the chopping block are EP Adam Boland’s fully automatic coffee machine, James Mathison’s dedicated eyelash stylist and the extra “r” in Natarsha Belling

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Look mum, I did a journalism

As if the prospect of encountering Christopher Pyne on campus didn’t terrify university students enough, this month they awoke to the news there were more people studying journalism than there are working journalists.

It’s a grim statistic so in order to offer a fleeting burst of hope, I would like to share a few journalistic secrets on what employers are looking for. Continue reading

The Pirates Strike Back


In 1908 a group of American companies involved in the nascent motion picture industry, including Thomas Edison’s Edison Manufacturing Company and film supplier Kodak, formed the Motion Picture Patents Company.

The MPPC’s brief was to enforce the patents on the film making equipment developed by Edison. Groups of independent film makers in New York and New Jersey had been pirating equipment produced by Edison to make their own wildly popular films. Continue reading

All the nuance that’s fit to print


For me the standout aspect of the interesting times that have beset Australian politics recently was a line in Julia Gillard’s concession speech on the effect gender had on her term in office.

“It explains some things. And it is for the nation to think in a sophisticated way about those shades of grey.”

It was refreshing to hear one of our leaders acknowledge, albeit belatedly, that some issues are beyond black and white. That we as a nation might be able to appreciate the complexities of a situation. Continue reading

When will You People learn?

Do you think the fuckwit Collingwood  fans and their shit-for-brain president will ever get it into their retarded skulls that abusive language is not accpetable?

What that 13-year-old bitch said to Adam Goodes was so insulting but I shouldn’t be surprised a skank like her doesn’t understand how hurtful certain words can be to a person.

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When good brands go bad

The ultimate goal for a company’s marketing department is ubiquity.

You want people to think of your  brand not as  specific product but rather an unremarkable part of their daily existence.

Band-aid and heroin began as registered trademarks but both phrases are so common place you could probably get away with using them in a game of Scrabble. Continue reading

What is wrong with the punks of today?


When I read the public reaction to John Lydon’s  controversial interview on The Project on Tuesday, I imagine it being dictated in the tone of those letters to the editor complaining about The Youth of Today.

“I say,” they bluster  “this Johnny Rotten chap sounds absolutely ghastly! Why, oh why do they let oiks like him on the television? Something must be done!”

These latter-day curmudgeons seem to be shocked that a former punk rocker acted like, well, a bit of punk. Continue reading