Australian TV in 2014: Get ready for the Joe Dolce Story

A new year in television brings with it plenty of questions for viewers and executives alike.

Who survived the Summer Bay bombing? Has Australia still got talent? Why on earth did Colin Friels agree to be in that Schapelle telemovie? Wonder no more dear reader. Thanks to a time machine discovered in the long-abandoned offices of Beyond 2000, Daily Review is able to reveal the highs and lows of our small screens in 2014 …

January 14: Cricket commentator Ian Chappell gives Channel Nine an ultimatum. “If you want someone to call the game then pick me but if you want someone to cross promote your shows then get one of those fucking House Husbands.” Gyton Grantley makes his commentary box debut the following week.

February 17: A visiting HBO executive emails various Australian TV producers seeking to get in contact with the “hilarious political satirist” he saw on TV the night before. He is eventually informed that was a Sky News broadcast of parliamentary question time involving Clive Palmer.

March 13: Falling advertising revenues prompt a round of cost-cutting measures for Ten’s ailing breakfast program Wake Up. On the chopping block are EP Adam Boland’s fully automatic coffee machine, James Mathison’s dedicated eyelash stylist and the extra “r” in Natarsha Belling

Read more

Look mum, I did a journalism

As if the prospect of encountering Christopher Pyne on campus didn’t terrify university students enough, this month they awoke to the news there were more people studying journalism than there are working journalists.

It’s a grim statistic so in order to offer a fleeting burst of hope, I would like to share a few journalistic secrets on what employers are looking for.

The Pirates Strike Back

Source: latuffcartoons.wordpress.com

In 1908 a group of American companies involved in the nascent motion picture industry, including Thomas Edison’s Edison Manufacturing Company and film supplier Kodak, formed the Motion Picture Patents Company.

The MPPC’s brief was to enforce the patents on the film making equipment developed by Edison. Groups of independent film makers in New York and New Jersey had been pirating equipment produced by Edison to make their own wildly popular films.

All the nuance that’s fit to print

For me the standout aspect of the interesting times that have beset Australian politics recently was a line in Julia Gillard’s concession speech on the effect gender had on her term in office.

“It explains some things. And it is for the nation to think in a sophisticated way about those shades of grey.”

It was refreshing to hear one of our leaders acknowledge, albeit belatedly, that some issues are beyond black and white. That we as a nation might be able to appreciate the complexities of a situation.

When will You People learn?

Do you think the fuckwit Collingwood  fans and their shit-for-brain president will ever get it into their retarded skulls that abusive language is not accpetable?

What that 13-year-old bitch said to Adam Goodes was so insulting but I shouldn’t be surprised a skank like her doesn’t understand how hurtful certain words can be to a person.

The racist bitch at the Syndey/ Collingwood game should be banned for life. Disgraceful actions. Adam Goodes you're a champion!

— Calv (@cal_al18) May 24, 2013

Ugh. Silly little 13 year old collingwood fan. I hope this whole racism thing sticks with you for a long time you spoiled little bitch.

— B u n n i e 🐰 (@babybunnie_x) May 29, 2013

When good brands go bad

The ultimate goal for a company’s marketing department is ubiquity.

You want people to think of your  brand not as  specific product but rather an unremarkable part of their daily existence.

Band-aid and heroin began as registered trademarks but both phrases are so common place you could probably get away with using them in a game of Scrabble.

What is wrong with the punks of today?

Source: heraldsun.com.au

When I read the public reaction to John Lydon’s  controversial interview on The Project on Tuesday, I imagine it being dictated in the tone of those letters to the editor complaining about The Youth of Today.

“I say,” they bluster  “this Johnny Rotten chap sounds absolutely ghastly! Why, oh why do they let oiks like him on the television? Something must be done!”

These latter-day curmudgeons seem to be shocked that a former punk rocker acted like, well, a bit of punk.

Girls and premature acclamation

What is the deal with aprons? Source: New York Times

An unfortunate aspect of current entertainment writing is the tendency to rush to judgment on new artists, ranking them against their predecessors before they have even had the chance to go to rehab or give their child a stupid name.

This month The Vine devoted more than 1000 words to explore the notion that Girls is the new Seinfeld.

On sale at your favourite Bali DVD stall

Geek capitalism: resistance is futile

Source: The Atlantic Wire

If hippies were in full bloom by 1967 and punks at their loudest in 1976 then 2012 is the year geeks came out of comic book stores and into the streets.

The two biggest films of the year, The Avengers and The Dark Knight Rises, are based on superheroes while locally Channel 9 is so confident of the nerdy appeal of The Big Bang Theory, it screens the show seven days a week.

Unlike the saxophone cool of his Democratic predecessor Bill Clinton, Barack Obama prefers to wield a toy lightsabre during photo opportunities. “Be careful” bullies are warned,” that computer nerd you wedgie today will probably be your boss tomorrow”.

But this success, like Peter Parker’s transformation from a weedy teenager to heroic Spider-man, comes at a price.